


Lonely

by Reiketsuna



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Feels, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Character Death, LISTEN TO THE DAMN SONG PLS, M/M, Singer Eren Yeager, dont be scared : ), it's good angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28607994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiketsuna/pseuds/Reiketsuna
Summary: Eren sings a song.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> PUH LEEZ - LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE YOU READ IT. ON LOOP IF YOU HAVE TO 😤😭  
> Spotify-https://open.spotify.com/track/4y4spB9m0Q6026KfkAvy9Q?si=Bdj25veXRISzQWV87Acznw  
> Youtube-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtwHKYKt5gE  
> Soundcloud- https://soundcloud.com/justinbieber/sets/lonely

Eren walked up onto stage, the crowd entirely different from what it was before the break. The brunette was tired. Before break, he made it known that this song would be his last. He sat on an old wooden stool in front of the mic, a spotlight beaming on him. Sweat running down the side of his face and though he had a towel he ignored it. For the first time in a long time, the singer would be vulnerable in front of his fans. He wouldn’t be who they thought he was, nor what they wanted him to be. 

The music starts, and the stage light has mercy on him, dimming just a bit. The eyes burning craters into him are nothing compared to the searing ache in his chest. 

_“Everybody knows my name now._  
_But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange,_  
_Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself_  
_And seein' somebody else~”_

The first sight that came to his mind was when Eren had first broken records, his eyes on the cover of hundreds of magazines, blogs, social media. Pictures of him thriving across the web. Everyone wanted to know the bright eyed rising star. He hadn’t even realized during the rush and the hype of things that the industry started to change him. The group of people around him that used to care for him was getting smaller and smaller. Even to where his own sister, and his best friend were at their wit’s end and put him at a distance. He’d grown arrogant. Snobbish. All for the fame and the good time and wanting more. He started slacking. Coming to the studio late, drinking all night. And he hid it all from his fans for a very long time. 

_“And everything is not the same now._  
_It feels like all our lives have changed._  
_Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down,_  
_But it's killin' me now~”_

At least Eren hoped everything would get better. After packing his career up, his main priority was rekindling relationships. 

_Shit._

Tears began to prick his eyes as he belted the pre-chorus, his voice turning raw, a stark contrast to the smooth and seductive he normally kept. The majority of his fans were female of course, and what made them happy made him happy. At the time. 

Glossy eyes looked over the crowd, knowing he wouldn’t find the once face he was looking for. The one he let get away. The beautiful pair of steel, cool eyes he’d never get to see again. His lip trembled a bit as he remembered the shorter male, the striking orbs would glare at him, make his blood run cold. Then he’d dive deeper, a hidden ocean of emotion behind the thunder and lightning. It’d make his heart race and his face warm. The contrast was always welcome. It was like going into shock and coming back to reality. He could be himself around Levi. 

_“What if you had it all~_  
_But nobody to call?_  
_Maybe then you'd know me._  
_'Cause I've had everything~_  
_But no one's listening~_  
_And that's just fuckin’ lonely.”_

His eyes squeezed shut, the intensity of the lyrics hitting him hard as he felt his lashes grow damp. He literally had everything. From fame, to money, and finally, with Levi he had love. He was ready to risk it all, to throw it away and not give two shits about what the media thought about the so-called “scandal.” But Levi wouldn’t let him. The raven would never tell the complete truth about why he’d insist on keeping their relationship secret. And by the time Eren started to notice, it was too late. If only there hadn’t been so many tours. So many signings. Shows. Guest Appearances. Interviews, paparazzi, modeling gigs, partnerships--

Or maybe if he’d just been a good fucking partner himself. And be able to at least notice the man who held the key to his heart was dying in front of him. Deteriorating. After every kiss, he’d go and cough up blood in the bathroom. After every surreptitious dinner date, as they went separate ways to the same destination, the raven would choke down pills in order to be able to last the night. Or maybe, the alarms would’ve been fucking blaring, if he would’ve noticed how pale his lover had gotten. How thin he became. How strands of hair would come out whenever he ran his fingers through soft, fragile locks. How the thick flesh of strong hips turned into thin skin and jagged bones beneath him. After everytime they were intimate Levi was more worn each and every time. 

But he didn’t notice. 

And he lost him.

_“I'm so lonely~~_  
_Lonely~.”_

For the longest time he couldn’t identify the feeling. He just felt pain. Started drinking again. But that didn’t numb him enough. So eventually, he got hooked on the heavier stuff. Overlooking the usual starter pack of marijuana and maybe a bit of LSD every now and then. Instead he went straight to the needles. After his first few highs, he upped the dose incredibly. He should’ve died. He wanted to die. But that night he was able to talk to Levi. He got to see him, to tell him how much he missed him and he was so close to taking his hand when he woke up to blinding white lights. There were people shouting, everything was so loud, and his head was pounding, but when, with his blurred vision, he looked around the room and couldn’t see Levi... he went ballistic. 

_“Everybody knows my past now_  
_Like my house was always made of glass._  
_And maybe that's the price you pay_  
_For the money and fame at an early age~”_

Thrashing and cursing, spitting and biting. While they were restraining him, the nurses, the doctors, other patients in the hospital, the goddamn fucking press outside and the police holding them back from rushing in. All of them heard his cries. His wails, his screams of absolute anger, and rage. Begging them to send him back. To let him die, or to bring Levi back.

_“And everybody saw me sick._  
_And it felt like no one gave a shit._  
_They criticized the things I did, as an idiot kid~”_

Of course he was put to sleep and stabilized. The press didn’t care much for why he ended up in such a poor state. More about who “Levi” was and if the popstar was mentally unstable. Eren ignored it all as he went to rehab and had a statement written up to explain that Levi was a very close childhood friend who’d moved away, yet kept contact. And in his psychotic episode, he hallucinated the death of his friend. Then they paid his doctor some extra cash under the table to get him to “verify” said claims, and use his doctorate jargon to confuse the public, but seem professional enough that the rumors would die down. Then as soon as he got out of rehab, his contract was thrown in his face and if he didn’t want to have his fortune and all of his music snatched from under his feet, he’d have to clean up his act. His manager told him to at least finish the last month of the contract before he started fucking things up for everyone else. It’d just make more work. 

  
So Eren did what he was told. Enduring it and seeing it as his own way of getting closer to Levi. Making him proud for when he actually got to see him again. But it still hurt. That was one thing that never went away, or got covered up by some cash and a signature. Status and an audience. Someone on a pedestal and those who were obedient followers. 

  
_“What if you had it all?”_

He hadn’t realized, but the audience, full of waving lights, witnessed the brunette gazing into a place they could never see. That they began to cry, as hooded, glossy eyes began to weep.

_“But nobody to call?_  
_Maybe then you'd know me.”_

Not the usual bright and brilliant teal eyes when Eren would remember his choreography perfectly. Or if he had the crowd dancing with him. On the big screen there was none of that. The camera panned in on him. 

Eren’s eyes were a ragged cliff at the edge of a forest. Thick, dark green trees burning from waves of infuriation. Embers blowing harshly against his tan skin, from the merciless gusts of wind. Visible, excruciating flames settling around his heart and decimating the path for another. Chaos and destruction. Blood boiling in his tarnished veins. A tear stained face lined with soot. His rationality was as feeble as ashes in the wind as he tried to escape. Trying to rid his lungs of choking on the surrounding smoke. 

_“'Cause I've had everything.”_

  
He jumped.

Crashed into the blistering cold. Suffocating in his own anguish. 

_“But no one's listening~”_

Drowned.

_“And that's just fucking lonely.”_

Sank to the darkest depths to find nothingness. Abdication. 

The waves frothing crudely against rugged rocks were nothing to the ringing of absolute silence. 

_“I'm so lonely~~_  
_Lonely~.”_

But Eren dragged himself through this every night. Willingly. Purposely put himself at the bottom of an endless abyss. 

_Levi._

Eren blinked, another set of tears flowing behind the same trails as the others dripping from his cheeks. Down here he could see Levi. Not the Levi he knew. Not the Levi that would talk and kiss him. Hold him. 

Love him. 

This Levi was just an image created in his mind. If he touched him, the image would disperse in the water and he would disappear. Countless times and times over again. He’d put himself through worse. To at least look.

_“I'm so lonely~”_

And then he’d wake up. And open his eyes. And Levi would be gone again.

_“Lonely.”_

Eren blinked again, and along with his tears the crack of his mic as he returned it to the stand. He hopped off the stool, the audience still in complete silence, and walked off to the side of the stage, the lights dimming after him. Only then could he barely make out the roaring sound of applause and the screams and wails in the audience. He paid no attention to them. He had to get home, so this time, when he went to see Levi, he could hold him. And touch him. Kiss him. 

Love him. 

And this time he wouldn’t disappear.


End file.
